In high school, I would stare at my razor for minutes that felt like hours, thinking about harming myself to feel better — or rather to feel anything other than what I was feeling.
I never actually cut myself...
That was, until two years ago.
My company had just announced an acquisition that would result in company-wide layoffs. I would be partly responsible for overseeing them before ultimately laying off myself. But, I was lucky, as I would have a short contract with the acquiring company - time to look for my next job.
That said, quickly the stress of being jobless, the beginnings of the dreaded job search, the upcoming holiday season, and my 20k+ in debt led me to spiral — fast. I once again glanced at the razor. And, I cut myself. Right on the hip.
I have to admit — I have done it a couple of times since, in times of intense emotion or stress. I share this because this is one thing I still feel immense shame around. I’ve never talked about it, so that makes me somewhat nervous to share (which I typically don’t feel on here.) That said, I can’t think of a more important thing to share for #NationalSuicidePreventionWeek as we must stop the stigma around depression.