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  • Writer's picturegarrison gibbons

My Self Harm Story

In high school, I would stare at my razor for minutes that felt like hours, thinking about harming myself to feel better — or rather to feel anything other than what I was feeling.

I never actually cut myself...

That was, until two years ago.

My company had just announced an acquisition that would result in company-wide layoffs. I would be partly responsible for overseeing them before ultimately laying off myself. But, I was lucky, as I would have a short contract with the acquiring company - time to look for my next job.

That said, quickly the stress of being jobless, the beginnings of the dreaded job search, the upcoming holiday season, and my 20k+ in debt led me to spiral — fast. I once again glanced at the razor. And, I cut myself. Right on the hip.

I have to admit — I have done it a couple of times since, in times of intense emotion or stress. I share this because this is one thing I still feel immense shame around. I’ve never talked about it, so that makes me somewhat nervous to share (which I typically don’t feel on here.) That said, I can’t think of a more important thing to share for #NationalSuicidePreventionWeek as we must stop the stigma around depression.

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